The wound of aloneness gets disrupted from healing just like this. In the crowd when mind turns to introspection and the self-reflection commences, I become alien in an alien world. I rush to isolate myself from the world, from every possible affliction of thought, for a wish to know the essence of being is born. I yearn for night and as the veil of day sinks with the sun, phantoms rise from my decadent soul. Blinded by the veil of day till now, a new world presents itself, the canopy of stars ask me to question, to look beyond and now that it’s time to actually look both inside and outside, I turn to retrospection and fill myself with the guilt of being late. Is it too late to look above? Is it too late ponder over the questions?
This wound of aloneness is disrupted by the exertion of alienation. With alienation comes detachment, detachment from everything and this leads to isolation. These all trigger each other and a new personality and identity is born. The route of conscience changes as the perspective changes. The meanings change and just like this I change. The decaying soul gets the panacea and revives itself from the depths leaving the residual beads of agony. These beads roll over my cheeks and rush to the ground. How can the most painful of moments be enlightening at the same time? The moonlit surroundings and the impression of world’s madness in my eyes mingle and turn into poison.
A moonlit night’s walk is special in many ways. A train of thoughts in my mind embark it’s journey moving through the hazy sky and I find myself standing on the terrace of an unknown building witnessing the demise of twilight. Scarlet west counting its last moments and clouds canopying the south east sky accompanied by the eastern darkness move to seize the time from day. Cool breeze of spring from north brings message of night and trees laden with vibrant blossoms begin to fade into indistinct contours and like this uncanny beauty of night is born. The mundane beauty becomes discrete giving space to a transparent beauty which evolves within. At this serene moment I take a sigh which further takes me to deserted lands where once life existed, where the strongest got perished. Nothing left but dissipated screams which cannot be heard now, the precarious nature of life reminds me of the strongest of empires which thrived long ago. I treasure those unheard screams and bring myself to the present.
This train always terminates its journey at the present and I am left with the friendly stars and hostile emotions churning inside me. I take some time off and contrive to appreciate the colorless beauty of transparency. The wound of aloneness at this time begins to heal itself with the understanding of transient tendency of universe.
Just when I deem it’s the terminal of the track various other tracks appear each going in different direction. The grey clouds in sky stir my imagination and I start another journey which takes me through bizarre landscapes.
My first visit is to the garden of cherry blossoms. A landscape filled with intoxicating beauty of life. Under the azure sky I spread my hands in awe and look at this treat for sore eyes. The healing of soul again leaves a bead of agony which renews the wound of aloneness and all the trees disappear from my world of fancy leaving barren land behind. In distraught I move here and there in search of beauty but to no avail. Tired and disappointed I take refuge on the barren land and sit there lost but soon winds of terror and loss surround me and phantoms rise from ground. Sun in the far west starts burning like a paper and disappears leaving darkness and friendly stars behind. I smile, for crying makes as much sense at this time. The biting cold brings me back to the present again leaving me in wonder.
The night’s walk ends with more questions. These questions vividly appear as the moonlight tries to lull me to sleepiness. I bid goodbye to the nightsky with a smile and sleep with utmost carelessness. The phantoms rarely trouble me in sleep. I always know that tranquility will wrap me in sleep. A thin layer of difference appears as a solution. On one side is caring about things and on the other side appears careless flowing with the breeze of life. I always choose former and to curb the torments I never become oblivious of the latter.
Life is vast and can’t be encapsulated into something objective. It might seem absurd and meaningless at times but life’s free from obligations and so is whole universe, the human tendency to sort everything and order everything is just an appealing mirage. I love this mirage, for it drives my imagination. Though, aware of the inevitable present I cling to my imaginary world, for its richer and beyond affliction.